(no subject)

[imperfectionisperfection]

anyway tracey will surprise me some day with a message

or its some psycho or boring overload

so i said goodbye to the gaming troope

specifically mentioning they wont care and hate me

i shoulda exited then but im naive so figured someone might care still

its never like that

no one knows you when youre down and out

it feels like my gums will soon burst

so i asked for a painkiller

waiting now

it sorta worked the last time 2 weeks ago

since im in ultra junkie + cisordinol mode

finally enough neuroleptics to fuck me up beyond belief

anyway trip of the day

i sound like a mainframe when im auto moaning and not even noticing it

oh

got the pill

anyway the gamers ravished me

in simple ways

the pill takes about 45 mins to work fully

so that i can handle

except i tried lots of sandwiches

about 14 in total over 2 days

i dont really notice my stomache

if im weighting 140kg or 70kg

except its bigger now

i couldnt pull myself up in bed as much

i bounced back

its midnight already

so 8 hours of sleep

woken up at 6

yeah, was like that today

feel like puking

anyway will turn off music and comp and hope for the best

i got visions of weighting tons

and outputting pink slime

at a very slow rate

anyway if i dont respond in a week

rotting away

theyll cemetary me

probably burn

ill still have emotions

i might be growling when if able to talk

but ill have a mind inside

or i wont

just pain in more pain

nothing is real but the pain now

so the staff about a spirit said

"your grandfather from mesopotamia"

ok

weird

left hand hurts

weird angle

couldnt figure out for a moment

if it was angle or angel

i watched an angle in fairytale castle mode at tornet norsborg

yes

an angle

i got light in me

jacob wallenberg said

"youre greater than drottning kristina"

dont know much about her

she was hedonist

then changed from prostestant to catholic

moved to rome

wrote an aphorism collection i read

maybe its not on goodreads or i wont find and repeat

i think ive reviewed it

anyway

goodnight

"hold on hold on hold on"

not much left

oh

i asked my grandma

ask how im feeling

"i was suicidal etc yesterday"

i talk some more then realize she didnt react to that at all

"ask some more how im feeling"

no response

anyway

should really sleep

cya

until next life

i dont really remember emotions from previous lives

or people really

i remember from dreams

lots of people i recognized here

and on the trip to västerås omvägar

anyway pill reduced my vision

itll get red when closing eyes

but it actually restored

fun fact i had a bleeding ulcer for months

no one said anything

red tinted poo

anyway

gnight

find wisdom and knowledge

knowledge is good

its information

you just have to parse

and analyze the info

some is true by heart

even from "big corp"

"big pharma"

nothing is black and white

"life is not 1-bit

but floating point"

written in kristianstad

bye